HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
