I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
