I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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