Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
