She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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