i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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