my phone needs a breathalizer
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
