I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I cannot find my penis.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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