When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
