I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
