3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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