I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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