Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
