this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
