I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
