when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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