Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
