Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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