I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
