good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
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about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
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Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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