This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
