Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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