Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
drinking out of a sandbucket again
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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