Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
