so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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