got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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