i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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