I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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