How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
