I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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