its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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