just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
