So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
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i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
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My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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