I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize