I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
