My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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