i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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