Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just found puke in my bra..
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
