did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
