just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
