Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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