I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
