You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Damn victory sex feels great
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
