he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
