Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Church boner. Awkwardddd
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
