I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
