The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
