Porn is love you can see.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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