i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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