turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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