you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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