please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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