And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
