Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
thus making me awesome and them whores
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize