singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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