im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
