i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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